Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
