She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
