I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
