im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
