I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
