One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
