And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
