mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
