he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you had me at cake vodka
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
