she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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