O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
