Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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