I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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