just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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