i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
