You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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