there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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