What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
