so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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