Having a random hookup so left but love u
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
