better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
