this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
