i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
