What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
