Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
