She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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