while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
