maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
