Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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