like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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