The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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