I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
