it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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