i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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