I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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