maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
