either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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