I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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