how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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