I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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