I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
