I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
