I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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