the day after is always just damage control
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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