I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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