so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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