Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
