K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
