dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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