Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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