the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
